I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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