Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
