I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
