Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
