i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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