Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
