I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
