Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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