I'm gonna have a badass scar
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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