apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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