All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
