It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
