She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
