I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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