I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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