Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
