it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
