3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
