I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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