I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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