I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
