i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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