I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
