Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
