Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize