i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
