i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
