garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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