next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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