bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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