So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
