Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
