We won't sleep together?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
handjob tips. give me some.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
