guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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