Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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