If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
