He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
