I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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