I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
