What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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