the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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