I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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