You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
sarcasm needs its own font
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
