I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
