he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
