So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
