We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we're making bets on your personal life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
