I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
