I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
