Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
