If i come over, it means nothing
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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