you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
