he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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