Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
