It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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