After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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