I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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