why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
