Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
