we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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