i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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