Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
