i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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