Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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