i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
